After a year I found this again...

It's been a while. Poor blog, I've been neglectful. Forgive me.

Things have changed in the past year. I'm home again. I've had a successful year of constant schooling. I have taken up the challenge of writing fanfiction several times with a few outputted successes. I lived away from home for 8 months and survived quite nicely (I think). I can't remember many things, people or places back here at home, but I'm sure I'll remember a small percentage at least just before I have to leave again. I haven't talked to many of my high school friends in months and I wonder if I will even get to do so before I go away again. My belongings that were stored in my closet for nearly two years in all sorts of boxes are being stored away in storage - my room that I grew up in is no longer really my room.

I think it is time for a little change. As much as I hate to have to admit it, the change is very much over due. I lost some weight while I was away from home, but I really want to lose more while I'm here. Easier said than done I know, but I'm willing to fight the urge to be lazy and do things to both my diet and activeness in order to achieve some change. I want to change my appearance into something more befitting of my age. No hoochie-mama get-ups (no thank you!) but something more mature to what I've been wearing for the past 6-7 years. It has to happen, why not start trying to transition now?

I'm trying something new too. I'm thinking maybe I should stop being a bitch and just give in. What's a few dates going to do? It won't hurt me really, and I've been hurting him for a while now. I just hope it doesn't go too far - then what will I do when I have to leave again and maybe both of us are hurting from the predicatable process?

My past year of non-stop school was tedious but worth it. I really did fix a lot of things that were killing me inside. I found my safe zone and a happy place in the process - something I'm relieved to come across. My safe zone in the security of where and who I lived with. My happy place in the music and personalities of a Japanese male idol group Arashi that kept me sane (or that could be quite debatable depending on how you look at it and when I come across anything related to them - but that should be another post for another day).

I missed a lot of things since I was in Hawaii. I haven't talked to Connie since November. Amanda since last summer and few bursts on Facebook (Facebook that I foolishly got rid of more than a month ago since I saw it as a distraction). Stephanie since January. I feel lost really. What are my friends doing? I don't know.

I came across something the other day. It wasn't really a discovery of actual matter or words, just feelings. I have feelings swirling inside my heart and mind that I can't seem to get into actual matter and words. I want to create a world where I can live a life I always wanted and know that I can never have. I want to write this world, paint it in colors vibrant and dull, and share it with others so they too can join in my world that I see in myself. Does this make any sense? Probably doesn't, but that's okay. I'll explain it one day when the words properly come to me.

I'm working on a few stories right now. I started writing them nearly half a year ago but never got past the first few lines. They're mostly in narrative of RPS of Arashi and NEWS (J-pop groups, Johnny's Entertainment). It's difficult to get it the way I want to... the worlds I want to paint are.... Well, I'm not quite sure what the full picture I want to paint is but I'll find out soon enough (hopefully).

I guess that's all I had on my mind right now.

If I remember, I'll come back and write again in here.

宜しく。